Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Not for me

While I might make some dang cute kids, I must finally confess that Motherhood is not for me.
I always pictured I would be a great mom. I don't know why. I have also always told myself that I would only have as many kids as I could handle. Who would have thought it would be 2 too many before I realized it?
That being said.. . what do I do?
I don't know.
For today at least, Motherhood is not for me. Definetly not one of my talents.
Today is one of those really hard days. Today is a day when I wished I had a Barnes and Noble nearby, where I could go escape on a chair in an air-conditioned building, kid free, and read a book.
I think I'm losing not only my sanity, but my identity.

(in a side note--maybe my air conditioner being broken and my husband never home is what is making this day so hard. . .)


Neighbor Jane Payne said...

Oh man, you sound discouraged, Cassidy. Motherhood is hard, you definitely got that part right, but tonight when they're asleep you'll remember exactly why it is you're the best mom in the world for them.

Hang in there through the hard, boring times . . . and the times when they're awake.

I love you.

Aunt Jane

Andrea C. said...

I definitely relate - so sorry. Days like that I tend to lock myself in a room and say all the things I'm not supposed to say over and over out loud, but quietly. And the advice about waiting until they're asleep is a great one. Because you can always love a sleeping child. You're an awesome mom!!!

Tiffany Fackrell said...

cass, if it makes you feel any better I just drove home from a pointless trip across tri cities ( that in and of itself makes me mad) with a SCREAMING child, top of the lungs screaming. you could hear her if you were outside of the car and all the windows were rolled up. and the music blaring so I didn't have to hear her scream and I wondered what in the world am I doing to myself having another one. luckily when we pulled up to the house she calmed down and said she had a happy face and was eager to crawl in for a nap as soon as we got in the door!!! AWWWW QUITE TIME!!!!

when we get into town this weekend pawn your kids off on someone else and lets do lunch!!!! I will be in town ALL next week! well and if you can fit in a lunch date, pawn your kids off on someone else anyway and find some quite time, you won't regret it!

Claudia and Glenn Walker said...

It sounds to me that you need a vacation with 2 good friends:). When are you coming. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are a great mom. However being a mom is not an easy thing. You are doing the best you can and that for me count to say YOU ARE THE BEST MOM IN THE WHOLE WORLD!

Jackie said...

Your AC is broken!?!?!?!

Want to spend the night here?
I'm being serious.

I would kill myself.
I'm saying swear words for you!

Samantha said...

Cassidy- I am in Utah, and I was sitting here reading this with my sister Cali. We had to laugh, because MAN, don't we all feel this way??! I don't know one mother who hasn't said, "well, i've always thought I'd be a good mom. But nope. It's not for me. I'm failing." So I know exactly what you mean and how you feel. And so do a lot of moms. On the serious side, I'm sorry you had a hard day. or a hard couple of days (sometimes the feeling lingers for me!). I hope things are getting better. And please let's plan on seeing each other in moses lake. I'll email you.

Kevin and Eliza said...

This is one thing I love about blogs. I read your post and then knew I wasn't the only one out there feeling like that today. Hang in there. :) I hope it gets better soon.

Lori said...

This too will pass.....things that work for me:
1. Say a prayer
2. Put the kids to bed early
3. Have some chocolate
4. Watch a funny movie

Love you!!!!

Katie said...

Hang in there, Cassidy. I have no doubt that you are an amazing mother!

The Bruces said...

oh cassidy, we fellow mothers are here for you and feel your pain. you are not alone. there are tons of days i feel like that... and i can totally relate with the air conditioning. you are a super hero girl!

andrea said...

i definitely have had days (weeks) like this. it takes a spiritual upheaval and/or some kind of self recharging. i am rediscovering my love of rolling down the windows of my car. and reading.

Robin Conner said...

Hey chicky, I'm just now reading your post. I've been bad about blogging lately. I hope you're feeling better. It is hard. It never stops being hard, but just remember what your identity would be like without them. I get like that a lot with thinking I'm really "no one" but just a mom. And i'm not important anywhere else. And no time for me etc.. blah blah blah, but this is a phenomenal calling, from the highest power, and you will be rewarded handsomly for doing it. when you get discouraged with 2, just try to imagine doubling that! ;) lol! Hang in there darlin!

blackstarmonkey: aspiring ninja/sheepherder said...

i will not try to relate, because i have not an iota of understanding of how hard being a mom must be and i am scared to death of it...but i do think you're so great, and you have lovely kids, and sometimes your posts make me smile so hard and you're one of those real people and it gives me hope to be a good fun mom someday, which is a tough thing to do. good job.

The Beus Gang

Bo, Cassidy, and Carter Beus